Thanks!

Until this clock hits midnight, it's still Thanksgiving weekend here, so feel free to help yourself to another slice of pie and some mashed potatoes (just use them as whipped cream!). If you're not still gorging yourself, I assume you are one of the unlucky ones, like me, who was not offered to take home any leftovers when visiting relatives (bitches...). So, whether you're making yourself a Thanksgiving Leftover Sandwich or sadly ordering from the Chinese joint, I believe we can all enjoy this awesome zombie Normal Rockwell Thanksgiving.

Yum! Eyeball ham and candied liver!

Contest?

I'm thinking that if I reach 400 hits on my blog this month, I will have a contest. You'll win cool stuff! Thoughts?

Giving thanks....to booze

I love the holidays; the whole dang thing. The decorations, the forgetting Thanksgiving and pile driving straight into Christmas, the songs, the food, more of the food, the desserts (yes that's food), wrapping presents, giving presents, the smell of Christmas trees, everything.

Except for family.

I have never really been good with hanging out with any member of my family for very long. Too much of my family for extended amount of time and somebody is going to either get drunk or start crying. Normally, it's both. And it's terrible.

So, to celebrate not having Thanksgiving OR Christmas with my family this year (thanks for inviting me to your houses, my lovely new in-laws!), I have created a cocktail for all of you who are stuck with yours. Trust me, a few of these, and all those memories of Uncle Billy and his "albino python" jokes will be wiped away.

Hard Times Cider

Components

2 shots Dark Rum
2 dashes of Falernum Bitters
1/2 cup of Apple Cider
chilled Champagne or Sparkling Wine

Mix the rum, bitters, and cider in a cocktail shaker (no ice). Fill a highball glass 1/4 of the way with champagne, then the rest with the rum cocktail. Garnish with a lemon twist or cinnamon stick. Sit back, and try to ignore the screams of your nephews as they terrorize the family dog.

Join me in joining them!

If you've never checked out my now defunct other blog, then you may not know I'm a knitter. Well, and crocheter. Let's just say I am a master of the needlecrafts. Anyway, because of this, there are random times (when I'm sober) that I want to use these skills for good. This is one of those times.
I am knitting for Occupy Wall Street.

Why Occupy, you ask? Well, if you're like me, you're pissed off that there's been well over a million foreclosed homes since 2008, there's still over a 9% unemployment rate, and over the past 30 years, the wealthiest saw their income grow by 275% while the average American saw their income grow by only 18%. If any of that gets your goat a little, you might also want to stand up with the Occupy crowd.

Understandably, not all of us are cut out for sleeping outside under a tarp for weeks straight, or enduring a drum circle. But don't worry! If you can't make it down to your local Occupy to help with the movements, consider what I'm doing, which is knitting! Yes, bringing this post back around to the original paragraph (finally).

I am knitting for Occupy Wall Street. Since seeing that WTF of a snow storm hit the East Coast, I've been knitting up wool hats to send to the occupiers so they don't freeze to death out in the middle of NYC. If you can knit, sew, crochet, or, heck, if you've got a handful of money to spend on those instant hand warming packets, send them along!
You can either go down to the Occupy in your city, or you can mail them to the NYC crowd.
Don't worry, I won't even make you do the Google search. Here is the address for Occupy Wall Street:

Occupy Wall Street
118a Fulton St
PO Box 205
NY NY 10038

Look, how easy is that, you don't even need to spell out New York twice.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution - shake shake shake...

Why does every single character in the new Deus Ex game seem to take after this dog:



Seriously, in this day and age, why do all the characters look like their skins were stretched over the same, bulky frame, and why are they all shaking? Is there something wrong with the Detroit water? Does it make people suffer from Bell's Palsy? And side note: Who opened up a box of copy paper and threw it all over the street? It's like somebody saw Robocop and tried to make a video game about it by cramming it into the Deus Ex storyline.

However, it is good to see that in the near future, we still have loads of hair gel and bro goatees.

Any of you ladies wanna do a Jägerbomb?

Halloween Prep: Lovecraftian Sex-Ed

I'm sure we all remember the eldritch horror that was Sexual Education, but if not, here is a little reminder. Dear Dagon, how on Earth did anyone want to get it on after seeing those diagrams?

Laura Hudson = My Hero

Just read her article.
And, you know, wonder why on Earth women are still reading comics...

Amanda Waller got Star Jones'ed

The internet is abuzz today about the liposuction of Amanda Waller. If you're not aware of one of the most bad-ass characters of the DC Universe ever, just look at this Justice League clip:



Dude, even though she had to stand down, she scared the shit out of Batman. Who scares Batman?! Nobody, unless they're Amanda Waller. Because Amanda Waller is just this short, fat, black woman with a no nonsense haircut and woman suit of supreme business and a file on your ass, and she is NOT afraid to make you wet your pants when she uses it.

Listen, I love Amanda Waller. She may not always have the upper hand, but she knows way more than anyone, hero or villain, thinks she knows. In almost any major DC comic, you would see her, and she will be the freaking WALL.

But....

DC wants to un-fat her. Is that a bad this? Well, it yes and no. Amanda Waller, as long as she is portrayed a strong, smarter than you character will always be awesome as an antihero and role model of badassery. But the fact she was fat brought her back down to the "regular people" level. She was fat, she never complained about it, she never cared she wasn't the hot chick, she never gave a fuck what people thought. She kicked ass and took names. Can we have a woman in the DC Universe who is skinny and does the same? Of course we can. But us fat chicks, us girls who don't fit into the stereotypical "hot chick in a costume" trope no longer will have a DC character to point to and say, "We may have a second helping of dinner, but we will also take down Batman like aint no thing."

More Halloween Prep: Häxan

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages

Some more old time goodness for Halloween! This is Häxan, a 1920's Swedish documentary about witchcraft. I'm not going to tell you anymore because it's awesome and you just need to watch it. Also, it would be helpful to have a good cocktail to go along with it. Maybe try a Herbert West?

Holy Moly Muppets

OK, look at these. Seriously, look. They are not only amazing, but they are also MUPPETS. I don't know about you, but I grew up on reruns of The Muppet Show, and I have a deep deep love for anything Muppets. These covers are part of that love. David Petersen did up some outstanding artwork (and wouldn't Kermit as a knight make a totally awesome tattoo? Right?!).

via The Mary Sue

Halloween Prep

My favorite holiday has always been Halloween; spooky, dark and creepy. August is closing, and the Autumn weather is hopefully coming along the track, so what better way to get ready for Halloween than with a bunch of stuff from youtube?

First up: A Disney version of hell. Yes, that's fire they're milking out of that demon cow.

Up next is a medley of 1920's music about haunted houses, ghosts, and cats:

And, last for now is the The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. A 1920's German Expressionist film and one of the greatest horror movies ever:

1-up my heart

Sometimes, I find things that I want so badly, it hurts not to have it. The item pictured below is one of those items.

Look at that bad boy! It's a Mario pipe mug that you can drink your coffee from! I dare you to tell me how that is not awesome. What's even better is it's not just another cheap plastic mug that you're just going to toss your pencils in, it's actually ceramic. You can beat a Koopa over the head this sucker! Even better, it comes with a random coaster. Being the owner of a very nice wooden coffee table, I love that idea.

Ha! Good one, Wikipedia

Maybe Wikipedia is in on the joke, but maybe not. I mean, come on now, it's Beak asking you for money.

This....I'm OK with.

OK. I am cool with Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. I mean, if I wanted to be super cranky, I would say that she needs to have a kitty cat cowl and a short haircut, but I'm OK with this. I mean, come on, Hathaway has the chops to do this. She was the druggie model in that Rachel Getting Married movie AND she dated that scumbag who pretended to be down with the Vatican. You know she's got some pent up anger that she needs to release into being a badass cat burglar with a sexy sexy background. Plus, those goggles look pretty badass. I bet they have night vision so she can rob things.

This is what Bane looks like

Yup, that's what Bane looks like. Well, at least in the new Batman movie. OK, it's not so bad, but personally, I like the luchador mask and I'm sad to see it go. And, well, I don't know why Bane needs a jacket; maybe the costume designer never saw a sketch of Bane and totally thought the guy could fit his arms into a jacket (Spoiler: he totally can't).

In fact, I kind of wonder how they picked this outfit at at all. Hmmm....

+

=

Daredevil #1 - Holy Moly, it's fun!

I'm not a Daredevil reader. Mostly because I don't wan to read about some blind dude moping around. If I wanted to hear about a bunch of complaining from a handicapped person, I'd hangout with my paralyzed from polio uncle when the beer runs out at parties. Seriously, we were having a family reunion once, and I hit a soft ball so perfectly that it broke his beer mug, I thought that dude was going to de-atrophy his muscles just to kick my 8-year-old ass.

But let's get back to the comic: Daredevil is fun. I know! I can't believe it either. First off, the cover is amazing, just amazing. I love the simple black and white color of the background with the crazy intense amount of words making up the city below him. It's a really good idea and it is executed really really well! Come on people! We rarely get both of those at the same time in comics.

Beyond the cover, the story is great. I don't know much of Daredevil's background besides moping, lawyering, and not seeing, but the story was easy to get into, with action and a wry smile to keep me amused (for the 15 minutes it takes to read a comic). I haven't read a lot of Mark Waid, I think he's mostly an editor now, but this was clearly some solid writing.

As much as I want to step back from buying so many books every week, I keep finding reasons to add more to my list. And if they are going to be this good, I honestly don't mind.

So...DC Reboot, eh?

Well, well, well. DC is going to have a reboot, eh?

OK, fine, I'm game; comics which rely on the same characters through out the years need a revision. You can't keep telling a chronological story of Batman if he should be about 90-years-old by now. Seriously, you guys, that's how old Batman should be. This is why reboots happen; old man Batman would break a hip when giving a hoodlum a roundhouse kick to the face.

However, as much as I agree there should be a reboot, I hate seeing beloved characters get pushed to the shadows, especially when that means my two favorite DC series get canned: Gail Simone's Secret Six AND Birds of Prey. Sure, sure, there will be some fashion of Birds of Prey coming back, but really, do we want to see this:

I SEE NO FUCKING LADY BLACKHAWK.

Why do I want to read a comic without Lady Blackhawk? I want to see a ballsy chick with a mouth and guns, but all I'm seeing is some Brooklyn hipster with a bad tattoo sleeve. And Black Canary, where are your shoes? Did you leave them somewhere? Are your shoes part of those fishnet stockings? Really? Because Wonder Woman already did that whole, "shoes as pants," thing with her costume change...

Sigh.

At least we have JH Williams III will be back on Batwoman. His artwork alone will make me buy that book. The colors, the contrasts, the splash pages.....I'm not lying when I say I get a girly nerd boner over his artwork. When I first picked up Batwoman, I grabbed my boyfriend (NOW HUSBAND!) and gushed over the artwork in a way that would have made a harlot blush. Do harlots blush over gushing? Who knows.

Anyway, you guys, there's going to be a reboot and my two favorite series are getting canned. I think that calls for another cocktail recipe to dull the pain. Shall we talk about the joy that is the Dark and Stormy? Let's save that for the next post.

BRB: Getting hitched.

BBC will be off for the month, getting married then living it up on the honeymoon.

I'll be back in the beginning of July, ready for action.

What...what is this?

Pink things work for me; if electronics are available in pink, I'm always going to pick that color. That being said...holy crap, this commerical! The second the doll's head spun around I shrank back into my chair in wide-eyed fear. Do they think that this is hip? Or artistic? Or....what are they thinking here? Was it all just a bad trip of Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew?

Nokia N8 Pink - Freedom from David Wilson Creative on Vimeo.

It's like the Saw movies, Lady GaGa, and those dollar store Barbie knockoffs got drunk and made a freakish baby together. And that baby will live forever in my darkest nightmares.

Via The Mary Sue

Zombies are people (but mostly just rotten flesh), too.

Since it's Zombie Awareness Month, I thought I'd crack open some zombie reading for a change. First up is Breathers: A Zombie's Lament. As noted by the author, this novel relies on Mary Roach's amazing and hilarious book Stiff. Several passages about human decay feel like they were lifted straight from her book. While in some books the addition of facts aid in the storyline, and become part of the story (See basically any Chuck Palahniuk's books), these grisly facts, while enjoyable for those of us who like to hear what de-gloving is, seem out of place. The main character gives no reasoning behind why he knows them, and the facts themselves contradict the actions in the story (erections cannot happen unless blood is pumping. Without a working heart, there is no blood being pumped). It was a kind of lackluster story, and I feel that without the zombie craze behind it, this wouldn't have gotten the praise it has.

Next up is comics new comer (or old comer turned new comer), Xombi. The comic gives us David Kim, a man infected with a virus that allows him to regenerate using nanites. These nanites aren't above using whatever warm body is next to Kim to aid in that process, so he has to watch out when he's been hurt around friends. He's teamed up with a group of metahuman nuns so they can stop a serial killer. The writer John Rozum is on fire with the puns; always a plus in my book, and the artwork by Fraser Irving is unstoppable. It feels as if he has painted each panel, barely touching pen to page.

What I like about this comic is chock full of action, clever jokes, and creepy stuff (demon-children of Halloween, evil snow angels, etc). It's all science and supernatural without it going into straight schlock. I don't want to give too much away, since the best part of this book turning the page to find out what's the next joke or horror. Just go to your local comic book shop and pick it up now.

3 2 1 takeoff to Squidville!

I'm going into space (and then dying, but let's not talk about that part)!!!

Maybe it's just because I'm reading Kraken right now, but this story is really interesting. Baby squids that look like Super Mario Bloopers are joining the Endeavour team up in space to test how microbes react to microgravity (the Bobtail squid isn't a microbe, but it has BFF bacteria that it has a symbiotic relationship with).

I wish you would see more news coverage from the big media sources about this stuff. Without informing the public and getting them interested, we have less and less kids interested in science. Science is cool, kids! Pick up a test tube today!

My Finest Photoshopping EVER

By now, you've seen Princess Beatrice's crazy ass hat (which probably cost more than my rent). But have you seen the REAL reason she's wearing it?!

Girl just wanted to keep her Companion Cube with her! You know how important it is to have your Companion Cube with you all the time. The Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.

Portal-adorable

I have yet to buy Portal 2, but I am a huge fan of the first game. For a while after playing it, I would think of all the ways a portal gun would make my life easier (instantly having access to the fridge from anywhere in the house, for example)...

Via The Mary Sue

Sith Lordette

Dudes! That adorable girl who decided to join up Dark Side is back! And she's got a website! Honestly, I don't care that her family is trying to bank on her new found internet fame, I am just so happy that there is an 8-year-old girl who is out loud and proud about her geekhood, and offering a place for other girls to join in the discussion. And...yeah, I'm a bit of a teeshirt hoarder, so seeing that they're offering some swag, I might have to pick one up.

Timey Wimey Weekend

So, besides that holy Jesus day, this weekend is also featuring the NEW SEASON OF DR WHO!!!!!! OK, so....I don't actually have cable, so I will not be watching it (insert saddest puppy face ever. Now multiply that by a million), but I can still celebrate with the above video showing one of the makings of that iconic Dr. Who theme (also my current cellphone ring).
Additionally, you can wear the proper attire for such a prestigious weekend:
If you're a fan of the Doctor, you know the Angel episodes are the creepiest ones ever. Show the world you almost wet your pants because a statue with this shirt from ThinkGeek!

Maybe you've got a lot of fandoms on your plate (which, sadly, isn't full of pie) and you can't choice between the two. Don't worry, Shirtoid's got you covered.

Now, even though there is a lot of celebrating this weekend (the Lord rising, the Time Lord rising, etc), there is a bit of sadness. The wonderful Elisabeth Sladen, who played Sarah Jane, passed away this week. She was only 64-years-old (and, honestly, I was surprised she was that old. That woman looked AMAZING). I loved Sarah Jane's character; spunky, quick, and feminist, and seeing her come back in the Dr. Who reboot was just the best. Her passing was a sad sad day in the Whoverse. John Kovalic of Dork Tower said it the best with this post. Farewell Sarah Jane. Somewhere out there, the lonely Doctor is a bit more lonely.

You smelly little half elf

Black Phoenix Apothecary Lab (the go to place for nerds, goths, and wiccans that want to smell pretty) has just come out with a scent line based off of Dungeons and Dragons. Apparently, you are to layer the perfume oils, so you get the scent based off of your character.

So, would you want to roll some dice with me if I smell like pale golden musk, honeycomb, amber, parma violet, hawthorne bark, aspen leaf, forest lily, life everlasting, white moss, and a hint of wild berry, rose amber, frankincense, myrrh, champaca flower, Peru balsam, cistus, palisander, cananga, hyssop, and narcissus absolute, a whirling mélange of multicolored musks with wasabi, rooibos, heliotrope, and mastic, shimmering celestial musk with vanilla, white honey, acacia, and sugar cane?

I know, that's a mouth full, but I am excited to see this. Since the majority of their clientele are women, maybe this will lead more girls into the world of D&D. And, since I'm about to start playing Dragon Age 2, I will have something to get me in the mood (oh, you Ranger with buckskin and what ever cabreuva is....).

Candy Corn for Easter Weekend

Check out this video from Science Friday: Astronaut Don Pettit used up the crews entire supply of candy corn to show us how soap works. My knowledge of soap comes from half listening to an episode of Beakman's World when I was eight-years-old, so this quick video totally expanded my mind by giving me such words as hydrophobic. If you want to nerd out even more, check out this link, which will go further into how soap works and quiz you on it afterwards.

He has risen! The mighty (chocolate) Cthulhu!

I ordered one of these the second I saw them (via The Mary Sue), because nothing says Happy Easter like a chocolate idol of the great priest Cthulhu. Hey, if you're going to spend the holiest day of Christianity eating some kind of chocolate figure, why not make it Lovecraftian? At least it's cooler than a bunny, and slightly less horrific than those creme eggs. Pick up your own eldritch horror for your Easter basket here. And please don't blame me if you go mad from it.

Mini Geek Girl Pride

To continue along the same lines of my last post, I want to provide some evidence that there are girls out there who are totally geeky and freaking loving it. This little girl is my favorite. She must have someone wonderful in her life who let her watch (hopefully just the original) Star Wars movies. Check out that sweeping bow she gives! It's like she knew this was her moment to shine, shine in the darkest star ever. And the second one is this little bit of wonderful:
I love how she's not even shy, she just shouts it out. Hopefully, that toy is actually hers and not her brother's. Rock on adorable little nerd-girls.

Female+Geek = XX

Listen, for a while now, there's been "girl geeks." I know it's hard to believe; females are to wear skirts, stay in the kitchen, and not get near that big, shiny computer. What on Earth are they doing enjoying Star Wars, reading comics, or playing WoW?! Fucking vaginas are ruining everything!

But seriously, there are girl nerds. There has been XX geeks for a very long time. I mean, come on, the first computer was thought up by a woman! So, if we've been around for so long, why are we still seeing crap like this.

OK, maybe you're looking at it and not feeling all femrage, but I am. I mean, look at it! What girls want are grocery bags, cat toys, and kitchen utensils? What, no pearls and high heels for our vacuuming needs? Oh, and a massage pen? Really? Stop it. And the ice cube trays!!!! Diamond shape and Titanic shape. My eyes are getting stuck in an Eye Roll.

If you've still with me, and I assume the .63 people who read this blog are, you'll kindly look over to the other sections this website offers: Man Cave, Manly Supplies, Big Boy Toys, Be A Man. Yo, x-tremegeek.com, there are too many dicks on the dance floor. Please realize that women also want telescopes. In fact, I'm shopping for one right now. I plan on using it during my honeymoon in Hawaii (side note: don't be jealous). Am I going to purchase one from your website? No, I'm not. Regardless of all the cool looking geekery you offer, I'd much rather take my money someplace were my vagina AND my 12 sided-dice are welcomed. Suck my tampon, and call me when you decide females also know what science, math, and computers are.

[/femrage]

Adorable way to start a Monday

Dudes, check out how freaking adorable this artwork is:Agnes Garbowska's artwork always gives me the warm fuzzies, and this one right up there. Look at the eyebrows on The Thing! Look a that chibi Miss Marvel! And photobooth pictures! My girly heart is gushing. It's up on ebay right now through the Hero Initiave for a insanely good price. Bidding goes on until tomorrow, so even though I wanted to hold out for the Amanda Conner artwork, I might just through a few dollars onto this one.

Comic Book Comics and Pomelo Juice

I am really really really trying to get through the newest issue of Comic Book Comics. The issue is so dense that it reads more like a chapter of a book than a comic book. Now, that's not a bad thing. I've been enjoying the Comic Book Comics; I think as a relatively new comic book reader (since about 2005) and I don't know much about the history of comics. CCB is a great introduction to the history, and they offer a lot of information.

But, alas, I seem to have a attention spam of a mayfly these days, so reading through the newest issue is getting tough.

However! Thanks to my inability to read more than twenty words in a row, I am prone to jump into a new project every other millisecond. This weeks project was working on the amazing pomelo fruit! If you've never seen a pomelo, think of a grapefruit slightly larger than your own head.

It's a beast of a fruit, but damn is it good in a cocktail. If you want to use it, get an electric juicer. Seriously, we just picked one up a few weeks ago and the thing is a amazing. Any and all citrus tastes 100% better when mixed with booze, so a juicer just helps them get into liquor a whole lot quicker.

The Chinese Dog Screw (working title)

Components

1/2 of a pomelo, juiced

1 navel orange, juiced

three shots of vodka

Mix all of this together, pour over ice and drink away that hurt you got in your brain from reading big words. Makes two servings, or one large hangover.

Photo Credit: Taken from a great blog which sadly doesn't seem to be updated anymore. Edible Oddities

Amazing Fan Girl Cake!

Holy crap, did I just find my future wedding cake? Look at this! Look at this amazing confection of comic amazement! Stop what ever you're doing and check out this girl's totally bitching cakes. Yes, I said cakes. Do you see all those little cakes in the background? She made those, too! My favorite part is the fact that Wolverine is standing on his original yellow costume.

Oh, and while you're at it, you can check out her sweet Discworld cake and giant taco cake. Move over Bartles and Jaymes, there's a new personal hero in town.

The Intrepids - Comics Review

I am a sucker for any comics featuring punchy girl heros and 60's go-go boots. If there are robotics and updos, I am on it faster than my lips on a bottle of Brotherhood Spice Wine. So of course, I picked up a copy of The Intrepids #1. And who won't pick up a copy? There's an giant bear robot, a rocket girl, and a huge dude throwing a car! And Scott Kowalchuck's artwork is amazing tight for somebody who only graduated art school a couple of years ago. Two years out of school, and the guy has this great blocky/cartoony vibe which has become my new favorite style. While two years out of college I didn't have health insurance and I was buying food from the dollar store. Boxes of almost expired turkey stuffing was only 50¢. Let's dial back on the sadness factor...

To continue, the story starts off as almost a comic trope. We get introduced to the team (Cyrstal the sharpshooter, Doyle the muscle, Rose the rocket girl, and Chester the IT dude) where they have to fight a factory that creates robot animal hybrids, including the robot bear from the cover. I'll be sad to not see the bear robot again, because really, any animal robot in a comic makes it an instant hit in my book.*** After that, we get introduced to Dante, the old dude and leader of the group. Through flash backs, we understand that they were all lonely kids who were taken in by Dante and all robotically/chemically enhanced to become (dun, dun, dun) The Intrepids! Now they have to go off and fight Doctor Koi, ex-lab partner now arch enemy of Dante (I warned you about the tropes).

So, while a little typical, the artwork and relatively punchy dialogue will have me back for at least one more issue, I'm not too keen on the story as a whole. I'd definitely pick the trade if I find it at a con, but might skip out on picking up the full floppy run.

***Except for We3, the saddest animal robot comic ever. And all you need to see is one panel to know that's the truth. Never give me a comic where there are sad animals if you don't want me to sob uncontrollably for a few hours and then whimper at random intervals for the rest of the night. I barely got through Sea-Guy after that flying tuna died (oops, spoiler).

Breaking News!

The Onion (that website you go onto so you can make jokes with that one other dude who's under 40 at your office) is now hitting the streets of Philadelphia.
That's right, the internet is dead! Long live print media!
If you don't believe me, here's a copy I snagged at lunch. If it wasn't a cellphone photo, you could see in the corner there's a tiny little PHI, which stands for Philadelphia (or some guy named Phil didn't finish writing his name).

Bendis gets lost

I'm really enjoying the current run of Avengers. The Bendis dialogue isn't that bad, the story is good, and the Romita artwork is amazing.

My issue is Bendis doesn't have an the internet.

I know! It's hard to believe this guy who's one of the biggest names in comics, has his hands in almost every Marvel story line, AND has his own Twitter account CANNOT GET ON THE INTERNET. It sucks, I understand, sometimes, you think you have an iPhone, but really, it's just a brick painted black with some sequins glued on it.

Why do I assume Bendis isn't WiFi ready? Well, had he had access to Google, he would have been smart enough to make sure Area 51 (which apparently Tony Stark owns), is not in Roswell, New Mexico, but is actually in Nevada, off the shores of Groom Lake. Now, for the record, I didn't know exactly where in Nevada Area 51 is located (the squarer the state, the more I am lost), but I did know of this thing called Wikipedia, where I can search for and find the information I am looking for. And, if he searched just a millisecond longer, he could have found that there's actually a lot of reviews for Area 51. But it's OK, dude, sometimes, I just can't be bothered to fact check either (example: see this blog).

And since we're remotely on topic, why would Roswell, New Mexico even be a thing in the Marvel Universe? They were invaded by Skrulls last year! Doesn't every single person know what a freaking alien looks like? There are giant green and red dudes punching the crap out of each other, why the heck would people care about a spaceship?! Seriously, there are a bunch of freaking aliens in the Marvel Universe. Tony Stark would have made more sense if he stuck the gem in a Swiss bank.

Stan Lee made the amazing techno-colored puppy coat!

So, the big comic news of the month is Stan Lee's Hockey Guardians, which are NHL themed characters. Now, I'm never one to judge (Ahhhhhahahaha), but I'm guessing some hockey brohs got drunk on jager shots and decided to make some money off of the whole "Iron Man Spider Man" thing. Congrats, dudes, you've finally learned how to crib geek culture like everyone else (it only took you thirty years).

Anyway, what ever, I don't watch hockey, and unless it's a Pet Avengers tie-in I'll never even read these comics (watch the cartoons? I don't even know what they're doing with all these dudes). Until, that is, I saw this:

IT'S A DUDE WHO HAS A PUPPY CREATING JACKET!

Seriously, this is now my new favorite character (Until Troll from Thunderbolts finally starts kicking some ass). He can create dogs from his jacket! Does it get any better? Can his dollar store Wolverine knock-off helmet tap a keg and pour me a pint?! Are his Rob Liefeld pouches filled with nachos?! Are his upper arms chafing in that leather trench coat?! Why does every "dark badass" character have to wear a leather trench coat?!

If that dude could make me some tacos, get me a brew AND find me an adorable pet, I might actually start watching hockey (ahahahahahahaha...snort, choke, gasp for breathe, fall back on the couch and continue to eat some cheese fries).

You're getting the idea, right?

Pepsi to release new 'skinny can'

I don't know how well you are at reading between the lines, but Pepsi is trying to point out women should be celebrated when they are skinny. You! You fat girl! Stop drinking Pepsi right now! That is only for rejoicing in the wonder that is the skinny, thin, svelte woman! If you are fat, STAY WAY.
Am I reading too much into that? Actually, no, I don't think I am.

Quick Note

Apparently, I've had seven (7!) hits from the lovely country of Moldova.

If any of you Moldovans are reading this right now, and assuming you like me, please feel free to send me any crates of your country's wine that you don't want.

If you do so, I promise you my posts will start getting funnier.

To all of you that have found my blog by searching "various comic title" and "boobs," I am sorry I have no actual breasts on display.

Please feel free to also send me crates of wine you don't want, and though I can't promise, the possibility of me posting pictures of breasts will go up at least half a precent.

The Flu and Comics

When one gets sick, so sick that they don't even have the strength to lift their hands to their head while shampooing, one stays in bed all day, demanding that their boyfriend buys comics and brings them cup after cup of Sickly Toddies.

Sickly Toddies are not actually good for you when sick. I just like to pretend they are. And since somebody hasn't gotten on that whole comic demand, I am posting a cocktail recipe instead:

Sickly Toddy:

Components:

3/4 coffee mug of hot water

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 shot of Kraken rum

dash of orange bitters

pinch of ground slippery elm (pick this up at your local new age homeopathic shop)

Get somebody to mix all of this stuff up into a coffee mug and serve it to you piping hot. DO NOT MIX WITH COLD MEDICATION (unless you like to party like Gary Busey...if you do, what the hell is wrong with you?).

slow claps which then build to faster ones for Amanda Palmer

I really should like Amanda Palmer. She wears striped socks and is spunky! She plays the ukulele! She shaves her eyebrows then paints weird tribal designs over them (actually, scratch that; it looks like bad goth party makeup)!

I say I should like her, because, well, I don't. Her music sounds like the drunk caterwauling of an overly praised drama student. Her feverish attacks on the piano are insanely overbearing in 90% of her songs. Everything is a damn cabaret torch song.

And then, that girl comes out with this:

What. The. Fuck.

Amanda Palmer, is this a fucking dance song?! A DANCE SONG ABOUT MERKINS?! Holy crap, how could I not love this? It's (dare I say it?) amazing. Honestly, Amanda Palmer, if your new album is entirely just like this song, not only will I buy it, but I will handcraft just for you, every single project from this Anticraft issue.