Giant Sized Comic Thing

Not shown at actual size

So, for the summer,DC is trying to pimp WEDNESDAY COMICS.  It needed the capslock because it needs to be said in a booming announcer voice. Oh, and like, a cymbal crash and a little horn solo with BUM-BUM at the end, too.  Anyway, I digress: Wednesday Comics.  Basically, it's going to be a big comic book (and I mean big, it's going to be 14x20 inches) with one page for each character.  That's....cool?  So let's see, there's 15 characters in Wed. Com. (I abbreviate everything!) and it goes for 12 weeks.  You might say, "Hey!  That's a lot of stories!  I would love it!"  And I would say, "Wait, you may be wrong!"

Think about it, its just going to be like the regular daily strips in the newspaper; there is going to be the few comics you like (Get Fuzzy, Lio) and the few you can't stand (Mary Worth) and then, then there are going to be the ones that make your eyes boil with rage for the very fact they exist (Family Circus, One Big Happy).  Do you really want to endure that in a comic book with super heros?  Also, a giant freaking comic book.  That sucker is NOT going to fit in my freaking long box, jerks!

OK, I know I'm complaining, but for serious, I'm going to pick up a copy.  And I'm going to do this for two reasons: One, I don't read much DC (except for Secret Six), and this looks like a good entry into the DC universe.  Two, Kurt Busiek.  He's writing a Green Lantern story and he is amazing.  The reason I started reading super hero comics was because of his Avengers Assemble run.  And have you read his Marvels book?  Man, this guy can WRITE!  Honestly, all the other stories can be crappier than when Billy blames something on Not Me  and as long as there's a Busiek comic in it, I'll buy it (similar to my other saying: As long as there's liquor in it, I'll drink it!).

Anyway, it comes out tomorrow, so if anyone can find some real big plastic sleeves for that, call me up.

MJ and margaritas

Now, I'm not going to say that I was the biggest Michael Jackson fan.  Honestly, growing up with the oldies station blaring in my mom's car, I would say I'm a bigger fan of the Jackson Five (best drunk game ever?  Name all the Jacksons).  However, I have, on occasion, been known to drunkenly shout out "da da da THRILLER!" while doing the zombi dance (I assume you are picking up on a theme: I drunk sing everything).

Anyway, the passing of Michael Jackson had left me a little bummed.  Truly, this guy was one of the bizarre geniuses of our lifetime, and I was sad to see him go.  But what tribute could I, the casual fan, give such a great man?  Why, I could post the YouTube video of a really good tribute to him!

These prisoner dudes are totally awesome, and they deserve some conjugal visits from the finest prostitutes in the land for this little ditty of theirs.

Oh, you want me to explain the title of this post?  That's easy, I enjoy drinking and it's past 5pm (cocktail hour!).  So make an educated guess and just be glad my Macbook's got spell check.

quickie

I'm off to vacation for a week, so I won't be updating about the Philly Wizard World until next week.  However, I will give you this one tidibt:

Walt Simonson is awesome, and he will totally sketch you Lockjaw (even if Frog Thor is more his thing) AND let you cut in line if you're a babe (which I am).  If you ever see him at a con, shake that man's hand and tell him he's the best.

Spin around, ninjas

So there was a time a few months ago when I could not stop singing Total Eclipse of the Heart.  Literally, every day I would sing this song, but I only really knew  the chorus (well, one of the choruses), so I would always sing it like this, "blah blah blah BRIGHT EYES!"  I would just mumble makeup words for two and a half minutes until I got to the part I knew.  Soon, I tracked down the actual song and learned a reasonable amount of it (much to the chagrin of everyone around me) and would randomly start singing it at work, on the train, while making dinner, but most the time when I was stumbling home from a gin drinking session and thought that my entire block needed, yes, NEEDED to hear a little Bonnie Tyler song off key and as a loud as possible around midnight on a Wednesday.

Then one day, I actually sat down and watched the music video for this song.

Holy crap.

Had I had known this song was about a pedder-ass schoolteacher who wants to hump every fifteen-year-old boy in a 5 mile radius of her, I would have never ever sang this song in public all those many many many times I had.  I felt dirty and wronged.  How could this wonderful cheesy love song be about kid-touching?  I wanted to make this song the first dance as my wedding!  I had dreamed up choreography to this song!  There was smoke machines involved, and we would release doves!  And now, it was dirty and wrong and I could never ever sing this song again.

Until today.  Today I discovered the Literal Version.  And now, now when I feel like I've had one too many gimlets and I need to bust a lung on something, I can bust on, "and they shouldn't fence at night cause they're going to hurt the gymnastics!"

Review: Atomic Robo

Nothing gets me going like 400 pounds of steel with automatic intelligence in uniform. Rawr.

So, this year at free comic book day (see blog post numero uno), I picked up a comic containing something called Atomic Robo.  Not really knowing what to expect, I read it cautiously, thinking to myself, "Well, the title says Why Atomic Robo Hates Dr. Dinosaur.  This could be awesome, or it could be worse than season three of Heros.  Wait, nothing could be worse than season three of Heros, so I'll give this comic a try."

Happily, after my interior monologue, I realized that Atomic Robo was awesome!  Totally awesome!  It's basically the robot version of Hellboy, but more guns and less Cthulu*.  Oddly enough though, there's about the same amount of Nazis (personally, I think  Nazis  are really satisfying  villains.  They were total nutjobs with good graphic artists.  Seriously, what other evil-doer stands behind a giant art deco eagle?).  There's not enough Tesla;  though he's Robo's creator, we have yet to see him.  I hope that when they finally have him come around, he's really just be David Bowie (Having Bowie there was the only thing that made The Prestige watchable)  because, Nazi-beating Robot + David Bowie rocking the Pervert 'Stache = aaaaawesome.  Since picking up the free comic, I've read the trades, and the good times don't stop at Dr. Dinosaur.  Besides the Nazis smashing, there's pyramid smashing, giant ant smashing, AND Steven Hawking mocking (no smashing).  Who could ask for anything more? 

On the more serious side of Robo, there's this underlying layer of sadness that you begin to see as you read more issues.  Maybe it's just me and I'm reading too far into it, but Robo, being self aware, realizes that all these people who call him a friend, partner, or ally will grow old and die, while Robo will live on forever.  It's in small moments when he notes the passing of an old army buddy, or bypasses questions of his longevity with a quick joke when you start to wonder if Atomic Robo is making jokes because he's funny, or if he is trying to circumnavigate thoughts of his dying friends with humor and brevity?

Whoa.  What a downer.  I didn't really mean to make this post into a robotic theological discussion, but there I went and spoiled it for everyone.

Honestly, this comic is not sad and weepy!  It's laugh out loud funny!  It's really really worth your time so pick it up already!

*Well, in Volume 3, there's apparently some Lovecrafty monsters, but I'm only picking this up in trades, so meh.

looooockjaaaaaw!

Cover for the 4th comic. Awesome idea of a tattoo? Yes/No?

Did you get a copy of L&PA (Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers, natch)? Because I almost didn't. Lesson learned. When you want to buy a comic staring a superhuman sized bulldog, make sure you pick that up ASAP. When my local shop didn't have it, I had to call up two other stores before finding it. Apparently, everyone loves a cape wearing frog?

Seriously though, this comic was great. And no, I am not just saying that because Lockjaw was covered in drool in every panel. I am saying that because it made me want to pick up the next issue not just for the "cute dog" aspect, but because it has great art, clever writing, and...OK, yes a giant bulldog (and a tinier, yappier dog).

Speaking of the writing, Chris Eliopoulos is totally a nerd (in a good way! in a good way!). Comic Geek Speak did an interview with him about a month ago, and I couldn't help but smile (a big, goofy smile, too) when he told the story about how he visited Sesame Street when he was little and got freaked out over seeing Snuffleupagus hanging from the set rafters. It reminded me of the time I got to go to the floor of the New York stock exchange (I've got connections) and nobody was throwing paper around and yelling at each other and then hugging (Trading Places, anyone?). There were just a bunch of dudes, talking dude things, and then randomly shouting out numbers. It was a bummer and I was totally pissed by the lack of action. If you're not going to hug, will somebody at get dirty drunk wearing a santa costume???

Anyway, back to L&PA. If you are a silly fool and have not yet picked up a copy, they just got a new batch in today, so hustle your butt before they're sold out again.

Lost Finale Thoughts and Things

OK, this is just a quick run of my thoughts/theories because I'm sure the internet is saturated with all this crap.  Sorry, it's crazy jumbled, but whatevs, deal with it.

So, the dude who's cribbing Locke's look (you know, that guy that Jacob talked to in the first scene.  I shall call him NotLocke) is the Smoke Monster.  Here me out:  Jacob and the smoke monster are two different forces of the island.  Jacob is the good force and the Smoke Monster is the evil force.  Jacob asks you to do things for him, seemingly to benefit the island.   The Smoke Monster just likes killing people (RIP Mr. Eko!!!  Paola and Nikki...not so much).  

So, my thought is that this NotLocke dude lost his body at some point and became the Smoke Monster and because of this, for some reason, he is able to manipulate the dead (Christian Shephard, Locke, Yemi, all the spiders people stepped on, Kate's horse (is that horse dead?)).  Also, remember, he's evil, so he wants to kill everyone and rid the island of all the outsiders, because that's what evil does.

Now, Locke, the lovable idiot he is, totally got duped by NotLocke.  Think about it.  When NotLocke was pretending to be Christian Shephard, he told Locke he had to die.  When NotLocke was busting through the forest with Richard Alpert, he got Richard to tell Locke he had to die.  Of course Locke was going to believe all that claptrap!  Dude had a major hard-on for the island!  And if the island said he had to die, he was willing to die.  So, Locke dies, and the evil Smoke Monster NotLocke dude can...steal his, um, image (?) and sucker Ben into killing Jacob.  Wait, how does he sucker Ben, you ask?  Because he's the motherfucking Smoke Monster!  And he came up to Ben all dressed up as Alex and told him he had to do what Locke said.  So, basically, NotLocke told Ben to follow Not Locke!  It's like if Superman told you that you had to do whatever Clark Kent said or else he'll zap your ass with Kryptonite eye beams. Get it?

Alright, all in all, good show.  Sadly, Kate did not die (but she let Juliet bite it...bitch).  Happily we saw what was up with Rose and Bernard (if you didn't tear up a little, then your heart is a cold dead rock of unlove), and I guess we all sat around and Googled "Egyptian crocodile god" for most of the night.

best comic of the summer is about to come out

LOCKJAW AND THE PET AVENGERS!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

So while the rest of you are reading about Dark Reign and whatever Norman Osborn is doing (and what would be awesome is if he turned out to be a Skrull this entire time and the real Norman Osborn is still dead, but whatevs), I will be hanging out reading the coolest story of the summer:  LOCKJAW and the PET AVENGERS!  The first comic comes out tomorrow and is only $2.99 (I can't even buy a can of Tecate for that much!)

OK, seriously, how could you not find this the coolest book ever?  It's got Lockjaw! Frog Thor!  And Niles!   I hope that somewhere in the story they give a plot line about how Niles got out of being Penitent Puss and booked it from Penance (Deadpool and GLI Summer Fun).  Oh, maybe it will be a heartbreaking back story about how he had to leave Robbie, and there's a cute little kitten written note?  Anyone else remembering those Kinko's ads with the copy cat?

Ooooh, and I really hope there's a lot of drool shots.  I'm a dog freak (not that kind of freaking), and I seriously love drooly dogs.  Lockjaw is my idea of a dream dog:  Four or five feet tall, moisture coming out of at least one orifice, looks like he's in a constant state of ennui, can teleport me to the closest bar, and has a totally bitching hogan 'stache....actually, that might be my description of a dream boyfriend...

X-Men Origins: Wolverine review

Logan's straining to pass this crapfest.

OK, maybe I'm a little hard on X-Men Origins: Wolverine (seriously, that's the title?).  Maybe it wasn't a crapfest.  Maybe I was just blinded by the utterly terrible CGI claws that looked like they were a half second slower then Logan's actual hands.  Why couldn't they just use those awesome claw props from the X-men (non origin) movies?  Computer graphics do not make things better!  Haven't we learned anything from the Hulk movies???

OK, so, besides the claws...

Young Logan (James, Jim, Jimmy, etc) was a little cheesy.  I mean, you can't not make a scene with a kid screaming "NOOOOOOOO" over his dead father cheesy.  Toss in a pair of freaky-deaky bone claws running through his REAL daddy, and the moment was too serious not to be funny.  Redeeming factor, however was Sabretooth's awesome baby claws.  They were so freaking cute!  Like giant baby hamster paws!

The credits were great.  Actually, the credits was the movie I wanted to see.  Mutants in the Civil War!  Mutants in WWI!  Mutants in WWII!  Mutants in Vietnam!  Ooooh, you know what would be a great cross over?!  MASH and Mutants (yes, I know, that's the Korean War).  See, the irony is that even though suicide is painless, Logan can't die.  Irony.

Oh man, OK, my other HUGE pet peeve is Deadpool.  Deadpool!  What the hell!  Why do you take The Merc with a Mouth and make him mouthless?! I wanted some totally lame wisecracks but all i got was the dude version of that mouthless chick from the Twilight Zone Movie (omg, remember that one?!  Her creepy brother took away her mouth!  And then he put people in the TV to be eaten by cartoons!  What a jerk!).  Also, I don't understand why Deadpool had to have everything.  Cyclops' eye beams, teleporting, oh, and giant arm swords.  Why on earth does he need giant arm swords?  How does he bend his elbows when they retract?  Does he just not bend his elbows?  Explain this to me!

OK, besides all that (wait, and the fact that Silverfox wasn't actually Native American, that was kind of lame), the movie was good (and by good, I mean better than X-Men 3).  It did have a hi-larious pre-Deadpool Wade Wilson, and dudes from Lost.  It was a good summer blockbustery type of movie, and, if you're a fan of the Blob, it's got him, too.

Honestly though, if you want an X-Men movie, just go rent the first and second ones.  

first post! be excited!

Free Comic Book Day done right with Brotherhood Spiced Wine

So Saturday was Free Comic Book Day, and in between hitting up the comic book store and watching the shitfest that was that new Wolverine movie (more on that in a later post), I decided to start up a blog.  Not just any blog, I said.  An awesome new blog.  A blog so awesome it will totally kick you in the ass!  And then, I got drunk off some Brotherhood, forgot about the blog, and fell asleep reading Atomic Robo.

Then, I woke up Sunday, surprised that I remembered most of yesterday, and said, yes, I will start that blog.

Then I got lazy.

And then Monday came.  And it rained.  And I decided to ditch going to the gym and instead sat on my ass, drank some Mr. Brown, and started this blog!

Rejoice!