Lost, it's been a while.

So, I almost gave up the ghost on this blog. "Writing is hard!" I thought, and why should I bother? Well, lucky for you (all one of you) I have some liquid courage pumping through my system (not, sadly, to be confused with Liquid Plumber, no matter how much it looks like a kamikaze shot at one of those frat bars...).

What should I talk about? Comics? No, not yet. I have to be a little less under the influence for the comics post I'm planning, or else you're just going to get one of those weird angry rants where I curse a bunch and end up with no pants in somebody's living room (see: New Years).

Tonight, I am going to give my quick and drunk (which shall now on be tagged as Q&D) thoughts on the Lost premiere:

1. Seriously, how many fucking times did we have to see Juliet get sucked down that hole? And then, just when we think Sawyer finally has her back, bang, she's dead. And DEAD dead, too! The next commercial those ABC assholes show is V, with Elizabeth Mitchell's face popping up all over the place. We get it! She's really not coming back! Stop making me cry!

2. I am now counting six people from Deadwood on this show. You know what? I fucking love this. Deadwood was one of the best shows on TV. Do you know how many times I loll around shouting, "Ah apologize!" A lot. If she hadn't died, it would be awesome if Trixie could have greeted Sol with, "You want a free fuck?"

3. Tangent fucking timelines. I would say it would blow my mine, but I just read Volume 3 of Atomic Robo. Oddly enough, I felt prepared.

About that tangent timeline (the one where the island sinks)...So, anything prior to 1977 happened when pertaining to the island. Anything after that (e.g. Jacob at Sun and Jin's wedding), did not happen. So, Sawyer is the only Lostie (of the ones we know meant Jacob) who actually met Jacob, right? I could sit here and list all the other times, but if in this TTL (tangent timeline) the island is totally gone, one can assume that Jacob might be lost (ha! Pun intended at this point! I'm kind of drunk!).

OK, I have maybe one million more Lost theories, but they need to be put on the back burner for a bit. I need to finish off all this Dharma beer I wrapped up last night before I get whipped into a Lost frenzy and wake up tomorrow wearing a half a jumpsuit somewhere....

Lost Finale Thoughts and Things

OK, this is just a quick run of my thoughts/theories because I'm sure the internet is saturated with all this crap.  Sorry, it's crazy jumbled, but whatevs, deal with it.

So, the dude who's cribbing Locke's look (you know, that guy that Jacob talked to in the first scene.  I shall call him NotLocke) is the Smoke Monster.  Here me out:  Jacob and the smoke monster are two different forces of the island.  Jacob is the good force and the Smoke Monster is the evil force.  Jacob asks you to do things for him, seemingly to benefit the island.   The Smoke Monster just likes killing people (RIP Mr. Eko!!!  Paola and Nikki...not so much).  

So, my thought is that this NotLocke dude lost his body at some point and became the Smoke Monster and because of this, for some reason, he is able to manipulate the dead (Christian Shephard, Locke, Yemi, all the spiders people stepped on, Kate's horse (is that horse dead?)).  Also, remember, he's evil, so he wants to kill everyone and rid the island of all the outsiders, because that's what evil does.

Now, Locke, the lovable idiot he is, totally got duped by NotLocke.  Think about it.  When NotLocke was pretending to be Christian Shephard, he told Locke he had to die.  When NotLocke was busting through the forest with Richard Alpert, he got Richard to tell Locke he had to die.  Of course Locke was going to believe all that claptrap!  Dude had a major hard-on for the island!  And if the island said he had to die, he was willing to die.  So, Locke dies, and the evil Smoke Monster NotLocke dude can...steal his, um, image (?) and sucker Ben into killing Jacob.  Wait, how does he sucker Ben, you ask?  Because he's the motherfucking Smoke Monster!  And he came up to Ben all dressed up as Alex and told him he had to do what Locke said.  So, basically, NotLocke told Ben to follow Not Locke!  It's like if Superman told you that you had to do whatever Clark Kent said or else he'll zap your ass with Kryptonite eye beams. Get it?

Alright, all in all, good show.  Sadly, Kate did not die (but she let Juliet bite it...bitch).  Happily we saw what was up with Rose and Bernard (if you didn't tear up a little, then your heart is a cold dead rock of unlove), and I guess we all sat around and Googled "Egyptian crocodile god" for most of the night.