I can't even explain how terrified I am of him

I've been reading Batman and Robin for a while, and it's good. Good, good. This surprises me, because the idea of Damian should annoy the crap out of me; a precocious tween that backtalks and rides a motorcycle (pretty sure you need to be at least 18-years-old in any state...) is just terrible. You know it is, so don't front.

However, this post isn't about Baby D. Wayne and his scowl. It's about Professor Pyg: the scariest, freakiest evil villain ever. EVER. The character of Pyg actually scares me. His pig squealing, his evil freak show persona, his....dancing.

How does the fact he dropped down and got his eagle on not terrify you? No villain should ever dance. Period. OK, I will let Harley Quinn and the Joker dance, but that's it! No more! But the fact the Professor Pyg can get down better than me (and trust me, I went to school in North Philly, I can drop it hotter than most girls) doesn't bother me as much as his Dollotrons.

They are the type of things that give you nightmares and make you wake up in a cold sweat. Seriously, I'd wake up, freak out, and throw my shoes at my American Girl doll like it's Satan's spawn (It's not weird that I have a Molly in my bedroom...).

They are creepy on all the levels of creepy.

Level one: They used to be humans, and were lobotomized and zombie-fied through surgery.

Level two: They wear masks and...doll dresses. Like that creepy uncle whose "special outfits" you find one Thanksgiving when looking for extra toilet paper.

Level three: They don't speak. Ever. Blergh. I have a problem with things that don't speak. It's like those animatronic thingies in the It's a Small World ride.

Again, blergh. But kind of an impressed blergh? I'm actually surprised that there's a comic book villain that I'm scared of. I actually get the willies from this guy! And his creepy-ass minions! What the hell, Grant Morrison! Why you gotta go and make me scared of a comic book character?

Um...hmmm

OK, so I'm not reading the X-men thingie with the vampires (sticking to pretty much the Thunderbolts and Avenger Academy on the Marvel side of things); but this cover would totally make me start picking it up. Yes, it would party be for the tentacle throne (soooo want one for my place), but also, I love Namor's freaky Maila Nurmi eyebrows and his, ah, other rather large tentacle action. Come on! Don't judge me! Dude should have known that sitting like that was going to be junk-action central! It's why you never see guys at a yoga class. Unless, of course it's hot naked yoga....

Happy Birthday Howard Phillips Lovecraft!!!

by now you should know to click on it for an awesomely larger image

Well, happy early birthday. I'm posting this a day early because tomorrow I will be out celebrating a real, living friend's birthday (Way to go Colleen! Turning 30!).

Anyway, tomorrow is Howard's 120th birthday, and what better way to spend it than with a Lovecraftian themed cocktail and lots of cheese. Below is my version of the Corpse Reviver #2, which I have re-titled for this special occasion:

The Herbert West

Components:

1 shot gin (I have Philly pride, so I prefer Blue Coat)

1 shot Lillet Blanc

1 shot Domaine de Canton

The juice of half a small lemon (you can go easy on this)

Dash of Pernod (or Absinthe if you're fancier)

Pour all ingredients over ice, shake well, and pour into a slightly chilled cocktail glass. I used Manhattan glasses from the 1960's, but champagne cups, not flutes, work just as well.

Now, the best part of any drink is the garnish (which, clearly, I forgot to add) and you have some choices with this: you can either use a slice of starfruit or long lime peels that you curl slightly and hang over the edge (like tentacles). I prefer the star fruit because it stays a bit better but limes are easier to find. You can also use Whiskey Stones in a tumbler with this drink. They won't water down your drink and they give the impression of Cyclopean ruins at the bottom of the sea (tell your friends the drink is called Dagon if you're going with this method).

This cocktail is best enjoyed whilst sitting on a moss covered mausoleum in a disturbing New England backwoods; preferably you'd also be fainting from seeing some terror or, you know, an Italian guy.

However, if a trip to Rhode Island isn't in your future tomorrow, you can also just drink this in your living room (yes, that's really my living room) while listening to the HP Lovecraft Literary Podcast (very funny and well produced) and watching out for night gaunts, re-animated fiends, prime numbers, monolithic architecture, rats, Jell-O, and your weird neighbor who always complains about his AC unit.

Add some dry ice around the place to give it a murky miasmic ambiance and you’re good to go!

Enjoy!!!

scotch egg

me: my tummy hurts.

johnny sorrow: you should watch this you tube video!

me: um, I really just want to lie down and rub my belly for a few hours....

johnny sorrow: no, this is awesome, you need to see it.

me: ok.....

[insert vomitty eyes and lots of gagging]

This is epic

Oh snap! Spinner.com is letting you preview the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack and score! That's pretty awesome, and what's even more awesome is holding your cellphone to your computer speakers so you can record Kim Pine shouting, "We are Sex Bob-omb!" as your cellphone ring. What? You think you're better than me because you download your ringtones? Pfft.

Jersey Thor

Thor is the nicest guy of the Marvel universe. I've sure there's some time when he's totally a dick, but he calls all chicks "fair this, and maiden that" and gives the best adjectives to describe people. But what if he was a total dick from Jersey (spoiler: I'm from Jersey)? I wish I could say that I came up with the dialog myself, but that was written by the coolest guy around (another spoiler: I'm marrying him).

click on the picture for a larger size

Oh Mr. Morrison, You need some American history

Batman is stuck traveling through time trying to get back to his current timeline. I can accept that. Nobody is ever killed (unless you're Gwen Stacy), they just get sucked into time portals, other dimensions, or remain frozen for years. It's comics, we accept these things. One day, I will learn to accept that Norman Osborn has really come back and is not a skrull (But that Gwen Stacy boned him? No. Noooo, no, no).

But you know what I can't accept? Historic Inaccuracies. Yes, that needed to be capitalized. And yes, the fact that for some reason, there were prehistoric men wandering around North America really irritates me. But the worst of it was, by far, the latest: Return of Bruce Wayne #4.

OK Grant Morrison, I get it, you're Scottish, maybe you just think that in 1870's everyone is a cowboy. But let me paint a picture for you:

The year is some time in the late 19th century, almost the turn of the century. The East coast of America is an industerial powerhouse. There are railroads crisscrossing the land, factories filling the sky with smoke and soot, trolley lines dragging people all around town. People are experiencing elevators in new tall skyscrapers, electric lights twinkle and pop, Henry Ford is muttering something about a Model T. It is an amazing techincal age and the East Coast is on the cusp of experiencing it all. It looks like this:

So, can you tell me why, why, whyyyyyy is Gotham done up like some place out in the boonies of the midwest? This is Gotham. A city. A city which would not have a chanty town of clapboard and dirt roads, but of filthy tenants packed with imigrants and swarming with cholera. So, why is Gotham drawn up as some dang whiskey town outside of whatever terrible reservation Andrew Jackson created? Why does it look like this:

Oh, and what's with the apple tree?

Yes, of course, let's drop everything, make Gotham into Deadwood (brief pause: I love that show), and add in Jonah Hex, the guy with the septate hymen for a mouth who should gone and cut that piece off ages age (Seriously, you can't just take a pair of scissors to that shit? What happens when he yawns? Or wants to eat a hoagie?). Also, let's point out he is wearing his CONFEDERATE uniform. In a town that is clearly part of the NORTHERN states. Come on Mr. Morrison, let that one sink in for a bit....

This is BATMAN who lives in a city called GOTHAM. You had the chance to make an awesome Victorian Gothic story, but instead, you gave us cowboys with the names of Chuck, Lucky, and Bucky (honestly). I could have seen bustles and corsets and awesome cravets! But instead I get ten gallon hats and fucking saddle bags! I...you know what? I can't. I got to stop. Because this story, like drinking too much wine, is giving me a headache.

I think I'm just going to lie down here and read some Action Comics starring Lex Luthor..ahh, so much better....ha...Mr. Mind is adorable.

Angel met Law & Order and then they had a weird baby

'sup Bob.

I loved Buffy, and I loved Angel. Vampires, witches, ghosts, etc etc. All great. Loved the giant cast of characters, loved the cheesy monsters, loved (and still repeat) the one liners.

Yet, I have another love, and that love is Law & Order (DUN dun!). Heck, if you have cable, it's on all the time on 6 different channels, so even if I didn't really love it at first, the Stockholm Syndrome of being with it 24/7 got me falling pretty hard.

So, what if they joined my love of Jos Whedon with my love of corpses in a dumpster? Why, they would birth the Dresden Files! Now, we know that genetics can take two really good looking people and end up making a pretty unattractive child (cough, Rumor Willis, cough cough), so there is no way that the Dresden Files (which I am now going to call DF for short) could be as good at both Angel and Law & Order. For one thing, they would have to contend with the one thousand spinoffs and one million episodes that Law & Order has under its belt. Also, seriously, I had such a crush on Wesley and Bob is just not doing it for me, regardless of the British accent. Ah, Wesley with the glasses and knowledge about demons and hand to hand combat....sigh.

But that aside, I have sat down and watched the first three episodes and they are pretty good. Not great (come on, the first one had the trope of a little boy in trouble), but unlike something like Eureka, where I could barely focus on those characters, DF is actually getting me into the story line. I'm interested in the back stories, Bob and Dresden's magical abilities, and of course, any and all wonderful ghouls or demons they're going to bring up (please, not too much CGI, I need to see some rubber costumes).

And visually, it's really getting me. I love the look of Dresden's office: Old magic books, dusty looking things in jars, candles, Bob's skull. All great.

I guess the big disappointment is that it only ran for a season. Luckily, it's all on Hulu, but if I'm enjoying the first three episodes this much, I know I will be itching for more when I finish all of them. Luckily, they have Warehouse 13 up (and still running), so I can get my big dusty book fix somewhere.

Scott Pilgrim made me cry

I've wiped enough tears away to write this

Let's just get one thing straight on this blog: I do not talk about my personal life, because I think personal blogs are lame. That being said, let me tell you why Scott Pilgrim made me weep into my fiancé's arms like the girly wimp that I am:

Last year, my man and I were having a crazy rough patch. There was lots of tears, fighting, and counseling. I was pretty darn sure we were splitsville. I was terribly sad, didn't want to leave the house, and basically wallowed in my own misery. I also started playing my DS a lot.

Long, awkward story short, we got through it, got engaged, and now pretty much read comics in bed, or jump around all day talking about how awesome it is to be in love and to be getting married. It is more or less a happy ending (I still haven't finished The World Ends With You, but I'm getting there).

So, why am I bringing up something uber personal? Because Bryan Lee O'Malley does an almost pitch perfect job and explaining that kind of awkward relationship. He does this in the last two pages at the end (SPOILER) where Scott and Ramona have the simplest of all conversations, "Well, we try again." Holy crap, did I cry. When you love somebody, and that person loves you, and all you two do is screw it up, the best thing you can ask for is to try again. And you take that leap.

Just completely perfect.

Yep, that's the one and only personal blog post you'll ever get, so enjoy it, bitches.

Alternate Batman idea by me!

I kind of like to think that for a moment, between being superior to everyone, Ra's al Ghul was a nice grandpa. See a bigger version here.