Sunday, September 26, 2010

I can't even explain how terrified I am of him

I've been reading Batman and Robin for a while, and it's good. Good, good. This surprises me, because the idea of Damian should annoy the crap out of me; a precocious tween that backtalks and rides a motorcycle (pretty sure you need to be at least 18-years-old in any state...) is just terrible. You know it is, so don't front.
However, this post isn't about Baby D. Wayne and his scowl. It's about Professor Pyg: the scariest, freakiest evil villain ever. EVER. The character of Pyg actually scares me. His pig squealing, his evil freak show persona, his....dancing.

How does the fact he dropped down and got his eagle on not terrify you? No villain should ever dance. Period. OK, I will let Harley Quinn and the Joker dance, but that's it! No more! But the fact the Professor Pyg can get down better than me (and trust me, I went to school in North Philly, I can drop it hotter than most girls) doesn't bother me as much as his Dollotrons.
They are the type of things that give you nightmares and make you wake up in a cold sweat. Seriously, I'd wake up, freak out, and throw my shoes at my American Girl doll like it's Satan's spawn (It's not weird that I have a Molly in my bedroom...).
They are creepy on all the levels of creepy.

Level one: They used to be humans, and were lobotomized and zombie-fied through surgery.
Level two: They wear masks and...doll dresses. Like that creepy uncle whose "special outfits" you find one Thanksgiving when looking for extra toilet paper.
Level three: They don't speak. Ever. Blergh. I have a problem with things that don't speak. It's like those animatronic thingies in the It's a Small World ride.

Again, blergh. But kind of an impressed blergh? I'm actually surprised that there's a comic book villain that I'm scared of. I actually get the willies from this guy! And his creepy-ass minions! What the hell, Grant Morrison! Why you gotta go and make me scared of a comic book character?

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