Thursday, May 7, 2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine review

Logan's straining to pass this crapfest.

OK, maybe I'm a little hard on X-Men Origins: Wolverine (seriously, that's the title?).  Maybe it wasn't a crapfest.  Maybe I was just blinded by the utterly terrible CGI claws that looked like they were a half second slower then Logan's actual hands.  Why couldn't they just use those awesome claw props from the X-men (non origin) movies?  Computer graphics do not make things better!  Haven't we learned anything from the Hulk movies???

OK, so, besides the claws...

Young Logan (James, Jim, Jimmy, etc) was a little cheesy.  I mean, you can't not make a scene with a kid screaming "NOOOOOOOO" over his dead father cheesy.  Toss in a pair of freaky-deaky bone claws running through his REAL daddy, and the moment was too serious not to be funny.  Redeeming factor, however was Sabretooth's awesome baby claws.  They were so freaking cute!  Like giant baby hamster paws!

The credits were great.  Actually, the credits was the movie I wanted to see.  Mutants in the Civil War!  Mutants in WWI!  Mutants in WWII!  Mutants in Vietnam!  Ooooh, you know what would be a great cross over?!  MASH and Mutants (yes, I know, that's the Korean War).  See, the irony is that even though suicide is painless, Logan can't die.  Irony.

Oh man, OK, my other HUGE pet peeve is Deadpool.  Deadpool!  What the hell!  Why do you take The Merc with a Mouth and make him mouthless?! I wanted some totally lame wisecracks but all i got was the dude version of that mouthless chick from the Twilight Zone Movie (omg, remember that one?!  Her creepy brother took away her mouth!  And then he put people in the TV to be eaten by cartoons!  What a jerk!).  Also, I don't understand why Deadpool had to have everything.  Cyclops' eye beams, teleporting, oh, and giant arm swords.  Why on earth does he need giant arm swords?  How does he bend his elbows when they retract?  Does he just not bend his elbows?  Explain this to me!

OK, besides all that (wait, and the fact that Silverfox wasn't actually Native American, that was kind of lame), the movie was good (and by good, I mean better than X-Men 3).  It did have a hi-larious pre-Deadpool Wade Wilson, and dudes from Lost.  It was a good summer blockbustery type of movie, and, if you're a fan of the Blob, it's got him, too.

Honestly though, if you want an X-Men movie, just go rent the first and second ones.  

1 comment:

  1. i almost laughed out loud when the helicopter blew up, then blew up again, then one more time...