Bendis gets lost

I'm really enjoying the current run of Avengers. The Bendis dialogue isn't that bad, the story is good, and the Romita artwork is amazing.

My issue is Bendis doesn't have an the internet.

I know! It's hard to believe this guy who's one of the biggest names in comics, has his hands in almost every Marvel story line, AND has his own Twitter account CANNOT GET ON THE INTERNET. It sucks, I understand, sometimes, you think you have an iPhone, but really, it's just a brick painted black with some sequins glued on it.

Why do I assume Bendis isn't WiFi ready? Well, had he had access to Google, he would have been smart enough to make sure Area 51 (which apparently Tony Stark owns), is not in Roswell, New Mexico, but is actually in Nevada, off the shores of Groom Lake. Now, for the record, I didn't know exactly where in Nevada Area 51 is located (the squarer the state, the more I am lost), but I did know of this thing called Wikipedia, where I can search for and find the information I am looking for. And, if he searched just a millisecond longer, he could have found that there's actually a lot of reviews for Area 51. But it's OK, dude, sometimes, I just can't be bothered to fact check either (example: see this blog).

And since we're remotely on topic, why would Roswell, New Mexico even be a thing in the Marvel Universe? They were invaded by Skrulls last year! Doesn't every single person know what a freaking alien looks like? There are giant green and red dudes punching the crap out of each other, why the heck would people care about a spaceship?! Seriously, there are a bunch of freaking aliens in the Marvel Universe. Tony Stark would have made more sense if he stuck the gem in a Swiss bank.

Stan Lee made the amazing techno-colored puppy coat!

So, the big comic news of the month is Stan Lee's Hockey Guardians, which are NHL themed characters. Now, I'm never one to judge (Ahhhhhahahaha), but I'm guessing some hockey brohs got drunk on jager shots and decided to make some money off of the whole "Iron Man Spider Man" thing. Congrats, dudes, you've finally learned how to crib geek culture like everyone else (it only took you thirty years).

Anyway, what ever, I don't watch hockey, and unless it's a Pet Avengers tie-in I'll never even read these comics (watch the cartoons? I don't even know what they're doing with all these dudes). Until, that is, I saw this:

IT'S A DUDE WHO HAS A PUPPY CREATING JACKET!

Seriously, this is now my new favorite character (Until Troll from Thunderbolts finally starts kicking some ass). He can create dogs from his jacket! Does it get any better? Can his dollar store Wolverine knock-off helmet tap a keg and pour me a pint?! Are his Rob Liefeld pouches filled with nachos?! Are his upper arms chafing in that leather trench coat?! Why does every "dark badass" character have to wear a leather trench coat?!

If that dude could make me some tacos, get me a brew AND find me an adorable pet, I might actually start watching hockey (ahahahahahahaha...snort, choke, gasp for breathe, fall back on the couch and continue to eat some cheese fries).

You're getting the idea, right?

Pepsi to release new 'skinny can'

I don't know how well you are at reading between the lines, but Pepsi is trying to point out women should be celebrated when they are skinny. You! You fat girl! Stop drinking Pepsi right now! That is only for rejoicing in the wonder that is the skinny, thin, svelte woman! If you are fat, STAY WAY.
Am I reading too much into that? Actually, no, I don't think I am.