Saturday, May 15, 2010

Brian Michael Bendis, why won't you let Siege be great?

I feel your pain, dude.

When I first saw the variant cover for Siege 4, I thought Iron Man was holding his head in his hands, like I do when I found out I'm at a party without an open bar. Now I see that he's putting the helmet on, clearly to hide himself from the lamefest that was Siege.

I don't even know where to begin with this, because once again we were given something totally awesome to start with, and then stuck with kind of a luke warm pile of "that sucked." OK, I'm lying, it wasn't totally awesome, it was nonsensical and kind of random (Attack Asgard? Because? Loki wants it? And what does this have to do with American security, Mr. Osborn?), but we were suppose to view this as the big summer blockbuster. Lots of action and explosions and not too much meaty drama. But even as a blockbuster where all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the punching, the plot was stilted and jumpy. It felt like Bendis was trying to drag us through as quickly as possible so he can get into the Heroic Age because he got bored of Osborn.
And you know what, lets be honest can a pile of evil doers on goblin gliders (which, by the way has a giant rocket on it, so it's clearly NOT a glider) really do anything to a magical floating realm of the gods? Clearly, if Osborn (and Loki) wanted to take Asgard all they had to do was send in Crazy McNuts Sentry and the Void would pop out and do all the work. But no, they wanted a splash page, so they toss some magical rocks in there and call it a day.
OK, and let's talk about the Void. Dude ripped a fucking god in half (FYI: Olympian gods have a an intestinal tract). And then does in another god, and oh yes, before all this, DESTROYS THE REALM OF THE NORSE GODS. And Bendis, you have the balls to tell me that Thor's fucking hammer can take down the Void? No. I call bullshit on you right there. Did you not see how seriously gross that whole busting open Ares like a bag of rap snacks looked? There is no way that a hammer, no matter how magical (and awesome to see at the end of Iron Man 2, by the way) it is can do that. The Void was this crazy pile of awesome power and you're trying to tell me, Thor, and only Thor, can take him down? Bendis just needed a quick finish, so he lets Thor pull a smash n' end it like in Secret Invasion (same plot ender in two years. Awesome creativity).


Well, that's my take. I know that normally I toss in something witty here about how I'm going to go back to drinking to dull the pain of a terrible comic, but I've (surprise!) got a pretty hangover, so I'm going to go back to my water and Rite Aid brand aspirins and not say any more on this subject.

Oh, wait. I am.

Seriously, why can't Osborn be a skrull already? It doesn't make sense that he's alive. I don't care if it's been practically ten years since he returned, I want that character written off as dead dead. Make him a freaking skrull and make me happy, Bendis. Or at least give me back the Wasp.

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